Yesterday didn’t go as planned. Maybe nothing is going as planned. Zoe started school-her first day of first grade. I would have started teaching school the day before her, but instead I chose to leave teaching and write from home.
The logic was I have enough hours writing freelance to get by. If I didn’t spend $150 at Target every time I stopped for toilet paper, we could financially be fine-yes? And I’ve been watching Extreme Couponing incessantly. We can get by. Yes.
I’ve prayed on this. And this was my train of thought-I’ve worked two jobs for the past year. I made more money than I ever have in a year, BUT I’ve also watched my body disintegrate from 142 lbs to 106 lbs. Energy levels depleted. MS flare-ups at a high. Yes—I not only can make it work, but I have no choice. I have to make it work.
So I wake up to Zoe hovering over me, dressed (on her own) by 6 am. I fall out of bed, tired from a night of AJ vomiting and crying. Check my coffee, drink my email and low and behold-my hours are cut. Cut to the point where I feel like I essentially lost my job. OK, a little punch in the stomach. I held it together and took Zoe to school. I was weepy on so many levels. My little girl is growing up. I’m unemployed. My stomach hurts.
I came home and found out that metaphorical punch in the belly was whatever bug AJ had the night before. I spent a few hours vomiting and trying to watch AJ at the same time. Finally,I called my husband. He came home and I retired to my bed and played Diary of a Wimpy Kid over, and over and over. I would sleep and watch, sleep and watch.
I woke up feeling stronger this morning. Not so weepy. AND, I had another job offer last night. Sometimes God has a way of leading me. At the time that something happens, I don’t get it. I’ll curse or mope or resist. But He always delivers me to a better place. I have to stand by that—even in the dark because that IS faith—believing even when you can’t see; especially when you can’t see. It is the opposite of science.
