Quickie blog before I head home to NJ from visiting my grandparents in CT. No kids or hubby, just my mom and me for the weekend. Last weekend I came up with my sister. The truth is, I needed to visit them because I am totally bummed about losing my MS writing gig. It’s been a year of writing for these communities; writing and teaching; every day monitoring and thinking and conjuring and writing.
So I’m a little bummed. Hence, I wanted to be with my grandparents. Kind of like Peggy Sue Got Married; how she longed to be with her grandparents when everything fell apart.
Totally me. Except I am blessed, I still have the only grandparents I’ve ever known. The same grandmother that taught me the Our Father and was there when (close your eyes men) I first got my period. Same grandfather who drove 110 miles an hour so I wouldn't miss the deadline to sign up for French summer session in college. All so I wouldn't have to take the longer, harder semester version in the fall that I would undoubtedly fail. So I’ve come to cozy up with them in flannels, drink pumpkin coffee, and watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid on Volume 840. Being next to them makes me feel safe. Safer, I should say.
And something about them completes this feeling of fall. My favorite season and feeling of all. I don't mean the MS fall where you can't find your feet beneath you and you fall. I mean that sentimental, nostalgic feeling of FALL. And the loss of this job, as scary as the uncertainty can be, I get less pouty as the days go by and more and more excited. The uncertainties are giving way to possibilities. Thank you Lord.
I still have nj.com and my little old personal blog, Ugly Like Me. Two days ago I had my 8th infusion. My health is improving. And Meatball and I are kicking ass on our baby jogger runs. Insert tough guy growls here. And through all of this, T and I still stick by the no teaching decision. Phew. I’m also happy I ordered the sweater/button Uggs I wanted before I lost this gig.
People lose their jobs. People get sick. I don't ever feel badly about these setbacks because I don't in anyway feel special enough to be above them.Why me? Why NOT me is more like it. No one deserves to be sick. No one deserves the anxiety of not knowing how they will pay the bills and provide for their families. But God has never let me go. Something else is coming, I just can't see it from where I stand. But when I turn this corner I will. It's going to be great. In the words of my hero Mother Teresa, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
