I never, not once, considered a third option until recently. I never gave myself permission to think about MY life UNTIL maybe yesterday. It's a strange reality, when you stop and you face the fact--I could have died.
All I noted (in terms of me) was being surprised nothing was bleeding, except a knee. I could have sworn my face was broken. I was shocked I was alive, but it was peripheral. If you look at my car, it's obvious I could have died, but I didn't feel like I had the right to worry about me.
So this poem and video from my niece, Sophie, in its own way, blinded me. In its own sweet way, it pulled out of the car and back to life.
Her poem and her video made me realize, I don't see myself at all- like I having anything to offer this world. Like me being here, left no dent in that. No affect?
My friend Alex once said that when he grows up, he wants to be just like his children. I so get that. It took a little girl, to get me off the couch, faking another Saturday, and to open my eyes to my WORTH.
I never thought about how I could have died too, or how that would impact my family and my friends. That's shitty of me...I'm worth something, I am here for some reason.
It took my niece coming over and handing me this poem, up top, and playing me this video she made for me, describing me, to SEE that perhaps the world would have lost something by losing me. And what a sweet gift that is.
So Sophie, I never saw those things, these things, but I promise I will try to, if you do too. And take Zoe with you on that journey of light. Don't let her lay blankly on a couch of guilt someday if I'm not here to help. this to me.
I have apologized to the victims and the cops and the paramedics, but I never apologized to my niece, or any of my loved ones. So here goes- I’m sorry Sophie. I’m so full of love for you. And for Tony and Zoe and A.J. and oh my it is my nephew's birthday (Happy birthday Ryan) and my parents and everyone. I almost hurt them (you) too. I’m sorry.
Children teach us so much. Sophie, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you!
PS-When I was ready to speak, this was what I shared on social media. Sophie's video is below. God bless you, always. Peace.
I was in a car accident this morning. My car is totaled. If my airbag didn't deploy, I would have broken every bone in my face. My knees are exploding from the front of the car squishing up like an accordion. I wasn't going to say anything out loud, but I feel like it is my obligation. I have to say this-it is all my fault.
I looked down to try to get my coffee in the cup holder, it was spilling, and I didn't realize that while I was trying to save the coffee that the monster pick-up truck in front of me had stopped. AND THERE WERE TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE PICK UP TRUCK. I chose not spilling my coffee over children by choosing to look down.
I was in bad shape, but when I got out and saw kids, I stumbled over to them, my knees buckled...and I just apologized so profusely. I don't think I could live knowing I hurt a family because I didn't want my coffee to spill. Their car wasn't hurt, the kids were fine. The dad or guardian was so worried about them and I think I saw a tear under his left eye. No joke, don't take your eyes off the road.
Don't fumble through your pocket-book for anything, don't turn back to look at your kids, don't check your phone. Don't take your eyes off the road. I could have killed somebody today…a kid! My life could have went one of two ways and I'm so grateful to God that I didn't hurt anyone. So, so grateful that the family is okay, and it didn't go THAT way.
The guy was obviously mad at the beginning, but he saw how distraught I was and he tried to joke they were more concerned about not spilling their drinks. But the irony is that the entire thing was over spilled “something”. For real, don't be an asshole like me and take your eyes off the road. It just took a second, one second and I could have killed someone. So I am taking it as a lesson. Thank God it wasn't the kind that cost someone a life and I'm passing it on now. For real, keep your eyes on the road at all times. It just takes a second. xoxo
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Karie Anne, Laurie Hoch Adamkiewicz, Emily Birchler and 111 others like this.
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